theartoflearningproject.org/educate » The Learning Journal

Helping our Children Understand the Power of Presence

Louise — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 16:57:25 +0000

By Guest Blogger: Nicole Pomeroy

In The Art of Learning, Josh Waitzkin discusses the Power of Presence and how it applies to your child’s approach to their studies and other activities. Josh is asking us, as parents, to consider what things our children give their full attention to and the ways we can encourage less distraction and more awareness of presence. So I really started thinking about how I could translate this way of living to my kids. How can I teach them this important skill so this is all they grow up knowing? What I realized is that they already know it. They were born knowing it. We all were. At some point along the way, life just beats it out of us and we forget how to not let the pain and drama of yesterday and fear and uncertainty of tomorrow take us over.

So when I really thought about it, I came to see that more often than not, it was me that was pulling them out of their moments of presence. They aren’t thinking about what’s coming next or what needs to be done — only I am. While the kids are doing something, I always seem to be preparing them for what was coming next. I try to create excitement by talking about future events. I rehash things that have already happened. I seem to constantly send this message that says, stop focusing on what you’re doing now to think about the thing you’re going to do next. On one hand, they are kids and they need guidance and preparation and yes, a schedule to live by. They need notice so that transitions throughout the day happen smoothly. But instead of allowing them to fully enjoy the tasks currently at hand, I’m asking them to focus on something that has yet to happen. Mostly this is my own neurotic, list-making, busy bee self creating chaos where none exists. As with everything else, it’s not about what I tell my children, but what I show them. It stands to reason that if I am living in the present moment, then they will too.

Allowing Our Children to Fail

Louise — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 00:06:24 +0000

By Guest Blogger: Nicole Pomeroy

In several chapters of Josh’s book he discusses the concept of Investment in Loss and the idea that he has learned more from his failures than from his successes. One of the most difficult aspects of parenting that I have faced thus far is the challenge of allowing my children to experience disappointment and failure without stepping in to protect them. On an intellectual level, I understand the importance of allowing my kids to experience all that life has to offer, both the good and the bad. I know that allowing them to fail on their own terms builds character. Overcoming obstacles and facing adversity is what helps us grow into hard working, responsible adults that succeed against all odds, knowing that the hard fought journey is the means to the end.

Knowing this is one thing. Doing it is another.

We are hard wired to protect our children at all costs. We want to run to their defense when someone hurts them. We want to stick up for them when life is unjust. We want to kiss their boo boos and make them all better. It’s what we do! And some of this, of course, is necessary and needed. But where do we draw the line? In The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents, Deepak Chopra says, “Innocence is the knowledge that you can guide your children but never control them. You must be open to the person within every child, a person who is bound to be different from you. In innocence this fact can be accepted with a peaceful heart.” So when does guiding become controlling?

I think when we stop parenting from our own places of pain and hurt, from our own experiences and our own failures, we can stop denying our children the right to have these experiences for themselves. How will they learn from their mistakes as we did if we don’t allow them to make any? Maybe we assume that their reaction to a failure would be the same as ours, that it would hurt them the same or cause them the same pain as it did for us. But maybe not. Maybe they’ll handle it better. And maybe we can teach them how.

Perhaps if we shift our focus to teaching our kids how to respond to their mistakes and failures will result in raising children who know how to bounce back from disappointment, handle failure with grace and accept themselves as they are. We all make mistakes. We all fail sometimes. We have to! It’s what we do with that information that defines how we will face adversity in our lives. So the best thing we can do for them (and ourselves) is to allow our children to see us fail and to witness how we respond to that failure. By learning from those mistakes, making things right and, most importantly, forgiving ourselves. We need to teach them that mistakes shouldn’t be avoided or ignored, but embraced!

The Teacher’s Teacher

Louise — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 20:41:10 +0000

This year, Bruce Pandolfini received the Chess Educator Award of 2012, and in his acceptance speech, he reminded us here at The Art of Learning Project that his teachings are the teaching of our teachings. A humbling experience for Josh and the rest of us, which we want to share with you.

If you have already read The Art of Learning, you have met Bruce Pandolfini through the eyes of the heart of a small boy, Josh. Now we would like to introduce Bruce Pandolfini through his own words in his 2012 acceptance speech:

“Let me say this. I love teaching chess, revealing its beauty and truth, its pleasing patterns and elegant plans, its epiphanies and paradoxes. There’s something else. When I sit across from a talented young person, I’m aware how in time that individual may become one of the most important people in the world. I consider myself honor-bound to guide such minds on the way to full attainment of knowledge and power. Perhaps I can inspire them to make their own special commitment. But I temper and hold back. I never want to suggest the road to take. That path must be found on one’s own, whether because it is grassy and wants wear, or maybe because it’s the road less traveled by. And as much as I like to be appreciated for my skills and insight, I want students to know something else; they don’t need me to succeed. If I can show them that, then I’ve done my job as a teacher.”

To read Bruce Pandolfini’s acceptance speech:

Link to Bruce’s Speech Here.

NICOLE POMEROY-PRAISING EFFORT OVER ABILITY

katya — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:41:47 +0000

As the mother of two boys at the beginning of their educational journey, reading Josh’s book couldn’t have been more timely for me. One thing I’ve learned in the last few years is how different my children are when it comes to learning styles. My younger son just turned five and is in a Pre-K program. He’swildly imaginative, bright, independent and headstrong. He’s a rule breaker. My older child is almost seven and in first grade and couldn’t be more different. He’s the scientist who relies only on fact and has little room for make believe. He doesn’t like confrontation or getting in trouble and has a hard time entertaining himself. He is a gifted learner, which we identified very early in his life. Add to this a recent diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder and we’ve got a complicated kid on our hands. How would he fare in the public school system? If I was struggling with just two different learning styles at home, how does a teacher accommodate 25 different learning styles in the classroom?

While trying to accommodate their different learning styles will be an ongoing challenge for me, a universal concept that I picked up on a few years ago, and that was reinforced to me in Josh’s book, is the idea that we should not praise results but rather the effort put forth to obtain those results. This makes complete sense to me and, as easy as it sounds, I don’t think I was using this concept when praising my kids. When I really started listening, I heard myself saying how smart they were or how cute they looked. Things, by the way, that they have no control over. My intentions were good, of course, but I came to realize that I was praising talents and abilities that they were born with and not the effort they put forth in using those gifts to accomplish a task. The words we use now “I’m so proud of how hard you tried”, “I love how much effort you put into that project”, are not only better for my kids to hear, but more accurate. I would prefer that they try something harder and only fair marginally well, rather than doing something easy that doesn’t take effort and pass with flying colors.

This concept of rewarding effort over ability works for any learning style; for challenged learners, gifted learners, adult learners. It’s true for all of us and the sooner these messages are reinforced the sooner we will realize our full potential for who we are supposed to be and not who we are in relation to others. If my child is putting forth his best effort and still getting average grades, isn’t there something wrong with that? Isn’t the system flawed when my child studies hard, puts forth the effort, does his best and gets a “C”, versus a child to whom the answers come easily, needs to put forth no effort and gets an “A”? Neither child in this scenario is receiving the right message. Either you’re working hard to fail or doing little to succeed.

I believe my children are at a critical stage where their learning habits are being developed, their ideas about what it means to succeed are being molded, and their image of themselves as learners are being formed. While major changes in the public school system may be too tall of an order, adjusting our thinking as parents, teachers and educators may get us a little closer to redefining success for our children.

BRIAN CLARKE-Share Your Story

katya — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:27:34 +0000

Nothing is impossible

The Art of Learning (TAOL) spoke to me about potential. The ideas in TAOL transformed my journey as a musician because I was able to live with a new understanding of my potential and how it would be realized. No matter how difficult a certain piece of music is, it can be mastered. The Art Of Learning teaches us that practically nothing is impossible. Dive in and trust the process.

Working deeper, not wider

For a musician there are many small technical adjustments and segments of motion that make up even the simplest of skills. Strumming an open string chord on the guitar can sound beautiful and complex or it can sound very one-dimensional.

It’s the same chord but there are many degrees of expression available. Understanding how a deeply refined skill in one area will accelerate my pursuit in others I was very content to focus for hours on the way I played a single major scale in one octave.

Each note possessed infinite degrees of nuance. As a new depth in my playing began to emerge during my performances I became even more enthusiastic about Josh’s ideas. Ron Carter is a world-class bassist. He is a teacher as well. A fellow musician from St. Louis was able to secure an hour of Ron’s time and went to New York for his bass lesson with the great master. All they did for over an hour was play a Bb major scale, with Ron exhorting the student to immerse himself ever deeper into each note’s potential for expression. This tells us clearly that the great masters understand the meaning of small circles; this is how mastery is to be pursued and attained.

Success is inevitable

Free from the disabling concept that some people are born with talent and others are not, we learn from Josh how to give ourselves the chance to succeed. Are we willing to step into that process and give our body and mind the opportunity to excel? If not, that is ok too. Just as long as we know it’s our choice. We can climb the mountain if we are willing to. I take this very personally and I understand my prospects going forward are very much in my hands. This alone, is a tremendously powerful revelation. Champions are made when no one is watching.

It’s up 2 U

Possibly the most promising gift from Josh’s message is a broad and sweeping comprehension that this Art Of Learning applies to all of our human endeavors. Maybe it’s a complicated foreign language you may wish to learn, or possibly you are intimidated by math.

It could even be a journey of personal healing. TAOL teaches us to view any challenge as a grand set of small skills. Over time and with focus they are threaded together seamlessly and mastery is ours. Life is our adventure, our canvas to paint and toexperience. No one else that I know of has articulated the visceral truth of our potential as thoughtfully and clearly as Josh. And come to think of it, is that any surprise? I think Josh would be the first to say, “Why not you?”

Thank you, Josh. All the best,

Brian Clarke

Kirkwood, MO

www.brianclarkeonline.com

Celebration of Teaching & Learning Conference

katya — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 18:55:18 +0000

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